First of all, I'd like to tell you how much I appreciated reading this article.
I appreciated reading it because I've been with my wife for 22 years now and I've discovered that the relationship goes through phases and the best phase comes after you have worked your way through the rough phase, which I found to last 1-2 years at a time, over the course of a 7 year period.
The thoughts you had, I've had. The solutions you came up with, we also came up with.
Too often people get to those moments and take the easy way out. It's easier, in the moment, to call it quits than it is to get through the problem by communicating honestly with each other and respecting each other's individuality, as well as each other's flaws.
When you're with someone that you truly love and treats your right, no matter what little things they do that may annoy, the reward for grinding through those rough spots, all while communicating effectively, is much greater than the reward would be for just giving up.
My wife and I went through HELL for a while, but then we eventually just began to understand each other's flaws better. We realized that some things we do have nothing to do with the other. We also matured and grew as people, adding patience to our list of life accomplishments. Now we are happier than we've ever been.
But also, during these times, the open communication with each other (despite sometimes being quite heated), forced us to reflect on our own problems. Problems that we CAN fix and are not necessarily part of our individuality, but perhaps habits we've created that hurt the other.
The grass isn't just greener on the other side of those rough patches: it sparkles.
I actually wrote a small article about this on another website: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/a22199-don-t-let-your-fantasy-of-relationships-fool-you
That article ties in pretty well to what you were dealing with and maybe you will find some insight there as well for the future.
Thanks again for opening up as you did. These things can help couples realize that it's normal to deal with adversity. What's not normal, necessarily, is having the guts to face the adversity and find a way to get through it!
You've got guts! :)
