I did forget to mention, though, that there is one suggestion I may add for you!

The wife and I both had a rule that we would not talk badly about each other to anyone.

It's one thing if you're being abused by your partner, but if it's just petty things like cleaning or not showing interest, etc. these things should be worked out between the two of you.

When you reach out (in this case he) to 3rd parties, they will almost always take your side while hearing only your side. They will then cause you to reinforce negative thoughts that you are having IN THAT MOMENT, which will cause you to think more and more about it, which is more likely to lead to giving up.

So I would definitely suggest talking with him about cutting that out. He's asking for trouble doing that and it's disrespectful to you and none of anyone else's business, to be quite honest.

The wife and I created that rule because when she did that to me, it made me feel weird when I was around any of her friends or girlfriends because I'd think they hated me (though that is my own insecurities but still).

It made me resent her a bit so I talked to her about it, she understood, and she has never done it again.

I always had that rule to myself, mind you. I have never mad-mouthed her to anyone. It would have made me feel bad because I love her and wouldn't want anyone thinking anything but good things about her.

That and she wasn't abusive to me, so there was really no point reaching out. :)

Anyway, thanks again!